Sh1t Posting

I’m 24 now and things have been quite manageable than I was in my teens and early twenties. I will forever cherish all my moments in high school but to go through it again is a big NO NO hahah probably form 1-3 jela cause I was less stress and pmr was damn easy 😂 I hate my primary school sebab tak dapat 5A and I cam dislike being 16 (pressure that I felt in new school) and 17 sebab nak SPM and takut gagal membanggakan keluarga cis. Then masuk college takut fail and tak nak repeat. Then going into the working world, takut tak dapat impress orang and constantly rasa diri tak pandai. The point is mesti ada fear yg we feel in every steps that we take but we manage it one by one and suddenly poof semua dah hilang tau tau dah takut benda lain. When I was in uni I was so scared of being unemployed, rasa mungkin the Big fo*r doesnt want to hire me kelakar kan. Then I turned 22 I cam wth is this. Is this the life that I want. Now I’m 24 I feel like ok life’s good but it gets boring. I feel young but I feel old at the same time. My uncles and aunties had been bugged me with a question ‘bila ko nak kahwin’ ‘tkde orang nk ko ke’ ek eleh whilst me thinking how many instalment should I make next with hoolah/atome, patut tak i jadi influencer, if i buy this freakin YSL handbag what should i eat for the next 12 months. Yes. I feel bored honestly that I have to work every single day and been wishing and praying that I’ll be a housewife to a rich man later but my dad must be super duper angry if I do that cause asian parents like their daughters to hustle and they’re constantly afraid anak dia mati laki then tkde duit. Yep. Thats what my dad told me ever since I was 10. So I guess I’ll be working forever. I’m 24 and I want to retire at the age of 30 hahaha I wish! Most of my friends are taking big steps in their career path, some shifting into a different path, going away and etc. Aishah is going away from MY and I will too soon once I’m getting my CA 😬 (Ya Allah please makbulkan impian ku) (Please amin semua). Pah is getting married next week. What else. Amin is getting married too. Of course, to Pah. Jah gotten a job closer to me and she will see me more often than before. Another road trip coming in May. I’m finally going to graduate physically after years of completing @cc@ but my parents are still unsure whether they would come due to certain circumstances ayoo 🥲 I’m contemplating on what should I wear. Should I go for Datin datins vibe or lowkey style. I feel like moving out to a place closer to my office. I really couldnt stand the 45mins lrt ride nk menangis rasa mcm pi sekolah tapi lagi sakit otak sebab kerja. Tu pergi saje ye. Balik semula 45mins. Tu yg nampak org mcm kenal tpi mcm tk kenal then confuse. Oh tapi jah dh confirm jadi betul la kut 🥺 And akan start balik after raya cause my office decided to sambung hybrid working arrangement pulek. Nangis la aku tidur pun keluar air basi psal penat. Pastu nak balik ahad tu kl ya Allah sakit otak pikir tkpela nanti pikir. Tapi my parents didnt allow me to move out smpai satu tahap rasa mungkin patut pindah senyap senyap sukatila.

Aishahs flight is a week after raya, meaning to say we will have 7 days left utk main badminton, sleepover and pi makan bbq town 🥲 sedihnya but at the same time proud hahah. I bet aishah balik for grad then terus tunang nanti kahkah.

This year raya I’m wearing green gosh nape la my dad decided green. I only look good in pink or pink belacan🥲 It’s freaking hijau daun pisang sabor jela. Then my dad said jam pi kel jadi tktaula gi wedding pah ke tak. But of course i wanna go so bad. My dad said ‘takde kawan lain ke dik nak pergi dgn awk’ ‘i dont have friends ayah I only have you’ gitew punyalah cite sedih tpi tula sebab raya pah pulak tak dan dan nk khwin time raya pening aku. Jadi conclusion nya kita tktauler pergi lagi ke tak adui.

I’m still devastated with 2521 ending weh. Smpai satu tahap rasa annoyed orang post about that drama. It gives you heartbreak and buat ko igt psl past breakup ko and org tk pernah breakup pun rasa mcm bru break (my fren said this) couldnt agree more weh. It gives you that heavy feeling in ur heart that makes you question ur love life and journey. Im not kidding. Buat rasa you menyesal in every way. Benci director dia. Dislike dislike dislike.

Oh and I read all of my previous posts, i feel like sedihnya la and toxic nan you terlalu toxic utk diri you smpai you rasa diri you useless and menyedihkan. It’s all in ur mind nan. But of course there are times cam rasa down and fikir all your past past cite lama mula la sedih. Tahlah tkpela nnti ckp jgn sedih mesti ada time sedih and post pun sedih. Last week sedih. I cried bcs of adela kena marah. Siapa je suka kena marah. Jadi solution is nangis jela sbb bila marah balik alih alih nangis dhtu. 

Bersempana hari raya yg bakal menyusul, shr mzb.

Terima kasih kerana membaca my shit post. *wont happen again in the future.